Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
