I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
