Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
handjob tips. give me some.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
