By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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