Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
