dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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