Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've blown a few things in my day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
