I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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