Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
