i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
