I just saw a hot homeless man
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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