i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
