He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
