We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
