Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
