You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
