accomplished twins. life is a go
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
