I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
