First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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