I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
