remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
