He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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