This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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