Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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