you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
