today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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