that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
