you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
