Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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