I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it because I queefed?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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