His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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