All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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