so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
