So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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