Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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