I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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