Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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