My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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