Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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