dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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