you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
