you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
