i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
