I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
