fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
did you just send me my own nude
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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