And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
