rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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