I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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