And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
