i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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