You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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