so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
