Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
